Gender Gap

Sometimes I look at life as a whole and laugh really hard. When you sit back and watch this ball of dirt spin, it's like watching billions of people running around in a three ring circus. It's ridiculous.

There are several "gaps" in our society as a whole, and that's what raises the level of confusion in life exponentially. You know, culture gaps, generation gaps. You can see how they cause a problem, and usually, the resulting chaos is laughable. For example, I know a few Swedish people who speak English but haven't picked up on all the slang and nuances of the language. One of them was sitting in a gas station filling up, and some nice gay black guy walked up and commented "Hey man, that jacket's hella clean." "Yeah," he said, "I just washed it." No, no, no...culture gap.

But the best one of all, in my opinion, is the gender gap. It's always been embedded in human psychology, and it always will be. And it causes a lot of fucking problems. You may wonder why I bring this up...it's because I'm having to deal with it more and more myself, and see other people getting caught up in the hopeless barbed wire fence of the gender gap.

We're not talking GAP, ok, this is not the difference between men's and women's clothing. We're talking the disparity between the psychology of two different groups of people, and that is a gap that cannot be bridged.

Normally when I write, especially in a two-sided topic like a debate or whatnot, I try to see things from both points of view. This time that will be difficult due to, uh, a uh...lack of...some hardware...that qualifies me to explain what both parties have to say. So I'll just give you my side, and kind of make up the rest. I'm not transgender, you know, and already you can see how these social gaps can cause problems, especially when you're trying to write about them, dammit.

The basis of this particular social gap is simple, men are stupid, and women are insane. Very, very insane...you do shit that would confuse us even if you explained it. I just decided I'm going to refer to guys as "us" and girls as "you." So, actually, I'm not even going to try to begin guessing as to what the fuck greases the gears of your thought process, I'll just explain how our simple brains work. We really do have simple brains. Everything is interpreted literally. I've heard a lot of you say you don't understand us, that we're confusing, complicated, and weird. I'll give you the last one, we're pretty weird, but the reason we come across as confusing to you is that you contort our intentions. When we say something, we mean it, literally, word for word. But you tend to get a really simple statement, and add logic, meaning, and rainbow sprinkles, and you end up with a complicated, and usually incorrect interpretation of what we said. So there's tip number one, think very literally.

I hope that confuckingfused you out of your mind. Now for number two.

This is a very important one, so listen up. Since everything is literal to us, you have to be extremely careful. When we're looking for something, dammit, we're going to find it even if it's not there. Don't say or do anything that could in any way communicate a message that you don't want to send across. We will look for meaning in eye-to-eye glances, body language, what you're talking about, hell, even your profile song. If you want one of us to like you, don't add "I Hate Everything About You" to your profile. If you hate our bloody guts, don't keep glancing over your shoulder, you're shooting yourself in the foot every time you do. And you're gonna run out of feet real quick.

The biggest problem with the gender gap is that males and females don't just SAY something, they play these little games to try and "send messages." Everybody is guilty of it, guilty as charged and sentenced to total confusion. I might not practice what I preach, but I'll preach it anyway. Ideally, if someone is bothering you, don't send messages that they need to go away. Tell them to FUCK OFF. You can be a prick about it. Actually, that was a bad choice of terminology...be a bitch about it. We will understand that way, and will eventually get over it. Or maybe not. Either way, you won't have to deal with it anymore.

Life is so twisted that I just have to try and straighten it out every once in a while. Reading over this, I think I just made it worse.

I don't think I accomplished anything here. One of those blown tires of writing that starts as a great idea and ends up as a bad game of twister. Oh well.

Current Mood: Confused

Listening To: "Far Away" by Nickelback