The Aviators

I reworked all of my photo albums on Myspace today, and, looking at the finished product, it occurred to me that in every single album cover picture, I am wearing sunglasses. It's even obvious to me now...

Okay, okay, I'll answer the age old question. The sunglasses. They seem to be permanently attached to my face, right? Why don't I ever take them off? And why aviators? And why MIRRORED aviators, specifically?

Before I respond, I need you to make me a promise. Don't ask me again. Because if you do, I will see to it that your mouth is glued shut, much like these here cheap sunglasses are glued to my face.

I wear sunglasses routinely because my eyes are sensitive, and there so happens to be a rather intensely bright ball of flaming Helium and Hydrogen gasses that usually sits up in the sky for a few hours each day. It really is quite large and quite hot, about 109 times the width of Earth in diameter, and around 5,778K in temperature.

"Sunglasses," broken down, literally means "glasses that protect the eyes from the glare of sunlight." Thus, my sensitive eyes are shielded from the damaging ultraviolet rays from this "sun." That would be the main reason I wear sunglasses.

In order to save you from feeling like a complete moron for asking me so many times only to receive this obvious retort, I will dig a little big deeper. I could tell you that wearing sunglasses is a habit, and I wouldn't be lying. It is a habit, I don't notice it at all. I guess everybody else does. But I could go even more abstract than that.

This is what you want to hear isn't it, another one of my drawn-out, overcomplicated explanations of something that's really pretty simple?

In case you haven't noticed, I am a very, very intrinsic person. For those of you who don't know much psychological/personality terminology, intrinsic does not mean asocial. Intrinsic people are not necessarily quiet and withdrawn, socially inactive. Intrinsic refers to those who are observers, rather than our extrinsic counterparts who are, I believe, more blind to what is going on. We seem outgoing enough, but are more calculated in action, more aware of minute details. We are the secret service, with the earpieces and dark sunglasses. Ah, sunglasses.

Are you starting to make a connection here?

The reason the secret service issues dark sunglasses to its members is so that they may go about their business, which is to observe, without distraction. They can stand and inhale the nuances of the world around them without having to worry about those unbelievably awkward eye-to-eye moments. They cannot be influenced by the piercing stares of others because they know that absolutely no one can read their thoughts or emotions. For them, dark shades allow them to attend to their job. For me, they allow me to attend to my intrinsic personality, observing the flow of what is happening around me without anyone having the faintest idea of what is running through my mind. That is why I like to wear dark sunglasses.

Hopefully that cleared up the shady spots, pun intended. But still, why aviators? Why mirrored? And why cheap?

I first watched Top Gun in 2004. I always had an immense respect for pilots, specifically fighter pilots, Navy & Marine fighter pilots, because I have known so many in my life. My heroes are Lt. Col. Hap Langstaff, Maj. Gen. Marion Carl, Col. John Glenn, and the like. I have known many incredible pilots through the years, and see in them something that I want to be. Top Gun gathered everything I love about military flying, and crammed it into an action-packed movie, filled with adrenaline, cheesy lines, Tom Cruise, and aviators. So, in respect to the pilots I've known personally, the spirit of flight, and Tom Cruise, I decided I wanted to represent them with a simple pair of sunglasses. My tribute to them, symbolically protecting me as I support them.

I also like them because they fit my face, and they're an everlasting style...hell, Top Gun came out in '86, and they were in use looong before than and are still popular.

Fine, fine, but why mirrored? Mirrored is sexy, peckerhead. Didn't you notice? Mirrored is shiny, smooth, and just all around more flashy than anything else. I am a bit of a showboat, hence the turquoise ski pants, blue neons, white hair...got it? Mirrored also gives you a taste of what it's like to be me. When you walk up to me and stare in my eyes (or about where you think they are,) you cannot begin to imagine what I'm thinking. But at least you can see what I am seeing. I see you. I see everything around and behind you. And so do you, thanks to the mirrors on my face. Yourself, through my eyes.

Yeah but why cheap sunglasses? Well, I really could go on Amazon right this minute and get a nice pair of RayBans, but I won't. And there's a reason, or two. Sunglasses get scratched. They get broken, bent, sat on, slammed in the car door, stepped on, sunk to the bottom of the Delta. I don't want my 150 dollar sunglasses investment to become a man-made reef at the bottom of Indian Slough outside of Discovery Bay, okay? So my three-pack of no-name mirrored aviators for $8.50 is perfectly fine with me.

Secondly, have you ever heard "Cheap Sunglasses" by ZZTop? Yeah, tell me why I'd get rhinestone shades after listening to that?

So, there you have it. That, in a nutshell, is why I've always got cheap mirrored aviators. Now you can sleep easy. And so can I, its two in the morning.

Current Mood: Luminous

Listening To: "Cheap Sunglasses" by ZZTop