And so 2008 comes to an end.
The beginning and end of each year is meaningless, really, in the scope of time. Years turn to decades, which turn to centuries, millenia, billions, trillions, to dust. All is eventually lost, all is forgotten.
But while we are alive, in these few short frames on the reel of time, it is important to stop every once in awhile, and look at who we are. I don't dwell upon the past, to allow myself to keep moving forward. You can't advance with the brakes constantly applied. But, there are times when it's best to slow down a bit, to stay in control. New Year's is one of those times for me, when I examine what I've accomplished, what I've learned, and what I'd like to do in the year ahead.
This year was filled with the best times of my life, as well as the absolute worst. There have been times in 2008 when I've never felt so alive, and times when I would much rather have been gone. It has been mostly balanced, I guess, which I figure is alright. If you looked at my year in sequence, it would appear similar to the progression of the stock market in the past 365 days: a sharp downward trend. For some reason, I always start out on top of the world. But when you're that high up, the only way to go is down, and I have indeed fallen. I guess, with some jest, I can say that literally: on the first day of 2008, I way standing 10,568 feet up on top of Steamboat Springs, Colorado. Now, almost a year later, I'm 25 feet from sea level in Sacramento.
Rewind. I remember, very clearly, my New Year's Eve experience of 2007. We had just driven into Steamboat, through a snowstorm, and the clouds had finally cleared, leaving an immaculate layer of weightless Colorado snow. Champagne Powder, as they call it in Steamboat, which is odd because I was coincidentally listening to "Champagne Supernova" by Oasis. It's an airy, thought-provoking song. The moon wasn't full, in fact I believe it was exactly halfway through its phase--just enough to pour a dull glow over the entire snowscape. Blake and I trudged through this unbelievable snow in snowshoes, which worked like iron boots in the powdered sugar, and sat out in the meadow, staring up at a sky blacker and more densely packed with stars than any sky I'd ever seen. The first moment of the new year was signaled by my Uncles' redneck neighbors firing off Roman Candles and revving their snowmobiles. I figured it would be a good year.
It certainly started with a bang...well, two bangs, one good and one bad. The good: four days of skiing in Colorado. The bad: my first cell phone, a nice little Nokiea 6085, now lies forever on North St. Pats, a great double-diamond on the backside of the resort. That set the pattern for the next three-hundred-sixty-some-odd days. This was a year of really good goods and really bad bads. And a couple of 'ugly's.
The good times included, among other things: skiing, the end of Senior year--Senior Ball, Senior breakfast, etc. Grad night was a blast. I got to see friends that I might not see again for a long time. I got to be with family. I graduated high school, and with good grades. I was accepted to every school I applied for, and I nailed all of my SAT scores. I went boating, I went jetskiing. I went to Montreal, I went to New York--I got to travel. I went to college, I made new friends, I aced my new classes. I participated in the election of the first black president of the United States of America. I had some good times.
The best things in life aren't for free. Like Champagne Powder, the high points of my year always seemed to fall through my fingers and give way to the dark, gloved palm beneath. All of the little misfortunes seemed to have stacked up into a great, miserable wall over the past months. Four cell phones stopped working or were lost. I lost some good friends permanently, and some for what I expect to be a long time. Unlucky things happened left and right, to the point where it was beyond noticeable, like someone was intentionally testing my limits. I fell off my longboard on the way to my most difficult midterm, and it nearly knocked me out. I was in mild shock during the test. The day before finals week, my grandfather, one of the closest people to me, had a stroke. He's much better now, but on the day before two of my biggest finals, he nearly died. I got pulled over twice, and for ridiculous reasons. I became much less patient, and much more suspicious of people. I was depressed for much of the Summer, for some reason. I think it was because of the emotional cocktail ensuing graduation. I like to embrace change, but too much of it is like shock therapy. By the beginning of this Winter Break, I almost cracked.
On top of all of that, there were a few 'ugly's...you know those things you just turn your head on. Failed relationships. Severe personal problems that I can't even mention. I nearly died twice on the slopes. I still think it is important to acknowledge even the worst experiences in your life, because if you can't be honest with yourself, you are lost. You have to know where you stand.
To sum up 2008: things have changed. My Uncle's house, that house there on 36 acres of priceless untouched ground in Steamboat Springs has since been foreclosed upon. I am now in college. Things have changed. For better or for worse, I have yet to determine. Perhaps I never will. Things are constantly changing. They will change in 2009, 2010, and in all the years to come. For now I think it should be good enough to accept what has changed in the last year, and open myself to what is to come.
And so 2008 comes to an end.
And so 2009 begins.
Bring it.
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
-Barack Obama
-Barack Obama
Current Mood: Pensive
Listening To: "Champagne Supernova" by Oasis
& "I Believe" by R.Kelly
