English 1A. Professor is also a middle school teacher, I believe, and he is probably the best teach I have now. He's a Liberal jackass, which is fine because I don't care what end of the spectrum people are on, although I'm pretty far left as well. We are supposed to write an essay on politics and the candidates for the upcoming election next week. Some quotes from his lecture:
(Disclaimer: These do not all reflect my own ideas, but they're still hilarious.)
"She (Palin) is better than Hilary, according to the Republicans. They say it's because she's an actual woman, she wears a skirt and not those pant-suit things like Hillary."
"They know she'll get votes because she's female. Regardless of anything else, some women in this country will go, 'Gee, she (Palin) has a vagina, I have a vagina...I'll vote for her!"
"There were three kinds of people that watched Woodstock. There was *my* parent's generation, and they were going 'Holy shit, this is appalling...kids running around nude with facepaint on LSD...' There was my generation, 14-years olds like me thinking 'AWESOME. I wish I were five years older...' And then there were marketers. And they said, 'Oh look, 500,000 kids with money. Why are we selling to their parents, why don't we sell to them?'"
...
"So that's why everything is marketed to you. When I grew up I was a kid in an adult's world, now I'm an adult in a kid's world. Everything is marketed to you. Why? Because they're not going to sell colorful underpants from Victoria's Secret to your grandmother. You have the money. They don't care about her. She has the VCR that keeps blinking...12:00...12:00...12:00..."
"Yes, the average lifetime has increased. So McCain may indeed live another eight years. But, keep in mind, he just might die tomorrow. And then Palin will be President. And then I'll kill myself."
"Palin believes that the best way to prevent pregnancy is to do what we're doing right now. NOT having sex. And we're doing a fine job, I might add."
"Palin said that she believes in doing it the right way: getting married, then starting a family. That is exactly what she did, she got married, and had her first kid 8 months later."
"Do you know why Bush is president? Okay, I don't mean to offend anybody, but it's really quite simple. Bush is president because of a blow job. Because Clinton's zipper was a little bit too loose."
"You know what I said to that whole fiasco? I don't care. I mean, if you're the President, and you can't get laid...you're pretty sad."
"They were so busy getting Barry Bonds, they forgot about Osama Bin Laden."
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Like the class wasn't good enough to begin with, he left halfway through for a full hour so we could grade each others' essays. Then, this huge, HUGE black dude walks in, like 7 feet tall. He starts telling jokes. Bad jokes. For twenty minutes, this monstrous black guy is telling crude jokes to our English class. Example:
"Man, I was in London, right? I asked the guy at the Pub...they don't have Restaurants, man, they got Pubs...if I could have a cup of black coffee. He was like, (with black-British accent) 'we don't have any coffee sir, we have three types of tea. Earl Grey, which is 20% substance and 80% aroma, Green tea, which is 80% substance and 20% aroma, and English tea, which is preferred.'
So I said, 'man, it's jus' like that in America! We got three kinds o' tea. F-A-R-T, which is 20% substance and 80% aroma, S-H-I-T, which is 80% substance and 20% aroma, and C-U-N-T, which is preferred.'"
I was cracking up, not at the jokes, but just because this random ass black guy was sitting there on the table at the front of my English class, telling jokes. For 20 minutes. Then the Professor Shapiro walked back in, and the guy asked him to sign a paper to drop a class he didn't teach.
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Weirdest class of my life, but I'm still laughing. Going to be a good semester in English 1A.
Current Mood: Amused
Listening To: "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd
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